Don’t Pee on ME

We Are the Marines

I’m going to the dark side of the moon for a few days and therefore want to leave you all with some craziness that’s been festering in my brain for the last few weeks (catharsis you see… if I get it out the insanity leaves me and infects others). I saw a news post about 4 marines who were court marshaled for urinating on Afghan bodies. Here’s the point I want you to ponder: bullet IN them OK, urine ON them NOT OK.

 It is apparently OK to KILL these Afghan men, but the global community draws the line on peeing on them. Shoot them in the face with an M-16 … no problem here’s a paycheck. Piss on their carcass … PROBLEM now you go to jail. Seriously, am I the only one that takes issue with this particular set of priorities. To be honest I suspect the now deceased men, if given a choice, would choose the golden shower over the slug to the face every time and twice during Ramadan irrespective of how devout Muslim they were(to all you politically correct nut jobs out there that got to my blog by mistake – don’t get pissed … it’s a twice on Sunday reference, stay calm and keep it together just breath slowly and you’ll be OK). Listen, I’m not saying peeing on people is the way to go. I myself have a strict don’t pee on me policy AT ALL TIMES. That said war sucks and we’re sending people out to KILL one another for shits sake;  why don’t we focus on stopping the killing part and leave the not peeing on each other bit for once the shooting has stopped. When we focus on the peeing while the bullets are still flying it makes me think we’re missing the point (although we apparently didn’t miss the Afghans because their dead).

Oh well, see you all in a few days (hopefully). Keep the madness to a minimum until I get back, I don’t want to miss much. Cheers

Lies, Damn lies, and Political Correctness

Oaxaca Mexico: Photography Travel Graffiti Art

Fighting Back

Famous words by the Bard,

“To be, or not to be–that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them.”

Hamlet was, of course, talking about death but the words are equally applicable to the slow intellectual death suffered by our society at the hands of political correctness via forced idea homogenization. To speak one’s mind and likely suffer the “slings and arrows” of social repercussions is a tough choice. Ok, you look confused? Let me put it another way. The fact that we all run around scared shitless that we may offend one another, or that some gimp or nigger might get their feelings hurt if we use a particular word has led us to stop speaking our minds and has castrated our first amendment right. No, I’m not saying you need to offend to communicate, or that using these terms is necessarily correct, but I am saying that limiting their use in socially “appropriate” circles simply limits our ability as a society to openly discuss and deal with the core issues. Socially stigmatizing people who use particular words doesn’t make the ideas they represent go away, it just pushes them underground, into dark corners of our minds and society where they fester and rise again as strong, and likely uglier, than before. Without open discourse topics and words become taboo giving them an undeserved position and power (didn’t you see Harry Potter, he was never afraid to say Voldemort).

Our society has become so pussified that it cares more about not getting people’s panties tied up in knots than letting us have our own opinions, say what we think, argue openly, and respect each other’s right to have wildly different points of view (irrespective of how distasteful we may find that point of view to be). Hell, it’s easy to respect a point of view that’s similar to yours, or defend a person’s right to say something you agree with. It’s a damn bit harder to do the same when the person is offending or pissing you off. I know, you’re probably still stuck on the nigger and gimp statement. You’re probably saying “well those derogatory terms are just plain vulgar and disrespectful.” Yes, fine, these words are definitely disrespectful, but what’s important isn’t that specific people do or don’t get offended, it’s that even if we are offended we can respect (NOT AGREE WITH) another person’s right to have a position with which we adamantly disagree. Let’s be offended! Let’s be forced to critically analyze why specific words hurt us, why they elicit responses from us. Honest words spoken say more about the speaker than the subject. If a Hick calls me a Beaner, that just verifies that the mullet head is indeed a Hick and my racist paradigm is confirmed. Now if I lose my shit over what he says, than that says something profound about me (it says that not only am I a Beaner, but I’m an insecure one at that).

Think about it this way, look at what has happened when minorities have “retaken” words that were initially offensive (nigger for blacks, queer for homosexuals). Through the open use of a word initially meant to hurt some of the stigma has been removed. Does this mean I recommend going up to the first black guy you see and calling him “my nigga?” Only if he’s small, you can outrun him and his friends, and/or you know him very well and are sure he won’t literally sling arrows (or other high velocity projectiles) at your head because of your enlightened view on the detrimental social effects of a political correctness.

Jesus fucking Christ people, Christians and Muslims have fought for thousands of years, but here in this country they can respect each other’s right to keep hole-y (not a typo) faiths which each group “knows” the other has gotten completely wrong. Hell, we let Mormons hang out here and they believe in golden books and scientologists (whom everybody knows are bat shit crazy) believe in, and go around talking about, aliens for fuck’s sake, and nobody bats an eye. The point is, our society has taught us to be fundamentally willing to accept a person’s right to openly hold sacred core beliefs antithetical to our own, but isn’t willing to allow us to openly laugh at penis jokes lest the fat chick overhear us and get offended. Yes, these topics – religious tolerance and penis jokes – are related. Your religion and sacred beliefs may well offend my delicate sensitivities, but in our society it’s my responsibility to get past that and respect your right to be different. Well listen up toots, same goes for jokes about Dr. Johnson doing pap smears in latex gloves; knuckle up and respect my right to laugh. If you don’t like it roll your fat ass back to your cubicle.

So, next time you think something that is politically incorrect (and your life is not in direct jeopardy) go ahead and say it, be brave, fight for our unpopular social revolution lest …

“Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprise of great pitch and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry

And lose the name of action.” (†)

 

 

†  Hamlet, Shakespeare. For those of you too stupid to understand Elizabethan English this roughly translates to: if we think about it too much, we may punk the fuck out.

Apple Owns Your Soul!

Oaxaca Mexico: Travel Graffiti Art Photography

We Won't Take It Anymore

 

OK, so potentially a more precise statement is that Apple and Google own your soul. Shit, between the two of them they can probably tell what color boxers you have on right this minute, the last time you got laid, and what was playing on iTunes when she left. Google keeps tabs on EVERY SEARCH YOUR COMPUTER MAKES and keeps the data for 2 years (read the privacy agreement if you don’t believe me). It even READS YOUR EMAILS if you have a G-mail account (where did you think the “targeted advertising” came from).  If

one rotten apple

you have an iPhone or any Apple entertainment product, Apple owns essentially all other information about you.

 Although Google scares the diarrhea out of me, today I’m specifically writing about Rotten Apple (don’t worry Google I’ll get to you later). I purchased an iPhone because my last phone refused to function as a phone anymore  and my friends told me Apple was the best. In the interest of honesty, the damn thing is simple to use and handy as all get out, but here’s the problem; if you want to store anything, if you want any free aps, if you want to do jack or shit with that fucking phone you have to sign in to Rotten Apple and get their damn blessing or all you get is Bupkiss. Listen Rotten Apple bitches! I paid a kidney for that phone and if someone is willing to give me a free app what the hell does it have to do with you? Why the hell do you need to keep tabs on what I get or don’t get?!

Hell, I took pictures with the damn phone and when I went to put them on my computer I couldn’t because I didn’t have iTunes. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! I pay 6 bills for this phone and now Rotten Apple won’t let me get MY OWN DAMN picture off MY OWN DAMN PHONE! Who owns who here?

Here is how things have been going between my phone and I. I tell my phone “I want to do BLANK” and my phone looks at me and says …

An iPhone 4S.

An iPhone 4S. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“well let’s see what Rotten Apple says I’ll get back to you.” It thinks for a millisecond and replies “Rotten Apple and I have decided to say: FUCK YOU to your request. Put more Rotten Apple spyware on your computer so we can track everything you buy, think, and say and then we’ll see about doing what you want.”

 

For shit’s sake, this phone has a function that listens to what you say. Wasn’t there something about that in the last Batman, about using cell phones to spy on the population at large for crying out loud? Seriously, are you shitting me?! Now I have to worry about my phone keeping tabs on me when I’m not paying attention. The only time I want my phone listening to what I say is when I’m making a call. Otherwise I want a fucking paperweight. This thing has constant GPS so PoPo knows where I am at all times. There is a damn “Cloud” function — I’m not sure what it does but I think it’s following me.  Seriously, this phone is starting to freak me the fuck out. I don’t even know how to take the battery out. The best I can do is try and turn it off (but I think that when I “turn it off” it may just be playing Possum).

Anyway listen people, watch yourselves because Rotten Apple is definitely watching you. Don’t say too much around that damn thing and keep the tin foil handy.

 

Cheers

Dominic Howard wearing a tin foil hat

Dominic Howard wearing a tin foil hat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OFFENSIVE ME.

Tough Love: The Offensive Truth

WARNING!! DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING POSTS IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Let’s be honest. Some people are harsh. They like brutal honesty both for themselves and others. If this is you I hear you let me give you a refresher of some of my earlier works you may find interesting.  Enjoy and let me know what you think.

  1. Truth About Fairy Tales
  2. 10 Ways to Know if Your Mother’s a Crazy Bitch
  3. Fattist: One Wedge Too Far
  4. Saccharine Sweet
  5. Fairness: Short and Sweet

People Suck

Suck (film)

PEOPLE SUCK (and not in the good way). This may not be a news flash to anyone but it still stings every time the realization shits on your face. First the situation: my apartment had problems with the water and a thin chocolate type fluid was coming out of all the taps and showers.  My land lady directed me to the super intendment with whom I had, until now, been on good terms. When I came back from work I decided to tell my neighbor given that if the water was already giving her problems she may want to know she wasn’t alone and even if it wasn’t she might want to collect some water just in case. When she opened the door I explained that our faucets had diarrhea, that my wife and I had no water, and that we would have to go to the gym to shower. She told me her water was fine, implied that I was the “lucky one,” and proceeded to tell me to “have a nice shower at the gym.”

Seriously!? Are you fucking kidding me?! Your neighbor comes over telling you he and his wife are going to have to drive for a shower and the best you can come up with is “have a nice shower at the gym?” In truth I wasn’t even asking to take a shower at her place; but to go out of your way to tell me I can’t before I ask just seems bloody rude. Honestly, although this may come as a shock given the tenor of my blogs I’ve always been pleasant to this smelly snatch. Worse yet, this flaming Cunt who won’t help out her neighbor RIGHT NEXT DOOR is a bible thumping Christian that works at a non-profit saving mud villages in Mexico.  What the fuck?! Where’s the consistency? Her behavior just betrays the fact that she couldn’t possibly care less about the people around her. It’s not like she had to haul the water up from a fucking well, warm it for me over an open fire, and then soap up my royal balls. It would just have been nice to offer; I’ve even got my own towels and soap.  The saddest part about the situation is that I would have been too embarrassed to accept even if she had offered, my wife and I needed to go to the gym anyway, and I was telling her to help her bitch ass out in the first place.

Conclusion; people suck what was coming out of my tap (watery shit). I don’t know why, but I suspect they have since the dawn of time and will continue so undaunted until the sun burns itself out or we kill every last one of ourselves off. Also, always remember that no good deed goes unpunished. If you choose to warn a neighbor of a potentially disturbing situation which currently affects only you but may soon also affect them don’t be surprised if they slam the door on your face. The only good news is that I’ve now found out precisely what type of person she really is and should her boyfriend decide to deflower her with a chain saw, instead of lifting a finger to help now all I have to do is turn up the music and drown out the noise. Cheers