OK, so potentially a more precise statement is that Apple and Google own your soul. Shit, between the two of them they can probably tell what color boxers you have on right this minute, the last time you got laid, and what was playing on iTunes when she left. Google keeps tabs on EVERY SEARCH YOUR COMPUTER MAKES and keeps the data for 2 years (read the privacy agreement if you don’t believe me). It even READS YOUR EMAILS if you have a G-mail account (where did you think the “targeted advertising” came from). If
you have an iPhone or any Apple entertainment product, Apple owns essentially all other information about you.
Although Google scares the diarrhea out of me, today I’m specifically writing about Rotten Apple (don’t worry Google I’ll get to you later). I purchased an iPhone because my last phone refused to function as a phone anymore and my friends told me Apple was the best. In the interest of honesty, the damn thing is simple to use and handy as all get out, but here’s the problem; if you want to store anything, if you want any free aps, if you want to do jack or shit with that fucking phone you have to sign in to Rotten Apple and get their damn blessing or all you get is Bupkiss. Listen Rotten Apple bitches! I paid a kidney for that phone and if someone is willing to give me a free app what the hell does it have to do with you? Why the hell do you need to keep tabs on what I get or don’t get?!
Hell, I took pictures with the damn phone and when I went to put them on my computer I couldn’t because I didn’t have iTunes. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! I pay 6 bills for this phone and now Rotten Apple won’t let me get MY OWN DAMN picture off MY OWN DAMN PHONE! Who owns who here?
Here is how things have been going between my phone and I. I tell my phone “I want to do BLANK” and my phone looks at me and says …
“well let’s see what Rotten Apple says I’ll get back to you.” It thinks for a millisecond and replies “Rotten Apple and I have decided to say: FUCK YOU to your request. Put more Rotten Apple spyware on your computer so we can track everything you buy, think, and say and then we’ll see about doing what you want.”
For shit’s sake, this phone has a function that listens to what you say. Wasn’t there something about that in the last Batman, about using cell phones to spy on the population at large for crying out loud? Seriously, are you shitting me?! Now I have to worry about my phone keeping tabs on me when I’m not paying attention. The only time I want my phone listening to what I say is when I’m making a call. Otherwise I want a fucking paperweight. This thing has constant GPS so PoPo knows where I am at all times. There is a damn “Cloud” function — I’m not sure what it does but I think it’s following me. Seriously, this phone is starting to freak me the fuck out. I don’t even know how to take the battery out. The best I can do is try and turn it off (but I think that when I “turn it off” it may just be playing Possum).
Anyway listen people, watch yourselves because Rotten Apple is definitely watching you. Don’t say too much around that damn thing and keep the tin foil handy.